Did you just see the Batmobile???
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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