where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
