found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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