And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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