Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
