Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
