and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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