I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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