Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
