Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mom said you looked used
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
