ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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