Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
