Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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