I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
