It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The uberlube is also flammable
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
