he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
