Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
