If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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