This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my liver is dry heaving
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
