Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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