Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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