I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
