i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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