I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
