i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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