I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
