Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
