I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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