I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
