I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
