Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
