it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
