Michael Bay diarrhea
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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