We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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