I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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