I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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