I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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