Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
