It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
