do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
