Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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