I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
