This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
