she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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