this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
