it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize