You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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