Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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