I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
where am i from again
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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