you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
