there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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