Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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