Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
