just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
