I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize