We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
