She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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