He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
