so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
