I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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