Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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