finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
