fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
