Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
