Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
