Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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