Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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