while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
