yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
