I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
