My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
