just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
