I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
