Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
