I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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