so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
