i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high people should be assigned attendants
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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