Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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