Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
